CAVEAT EMPTOR

"The one real bookstore in town is run by hideous fabulous monsters, sisters. A basilisk and a manticore. One keeps her eyeballs in a jar in her pocket and eats bugs; the other has a long wooden tail and lives on Hobo Fear Sweat and spinal fluid. Their feet leave singe marks where they walk. When they sneeze, little alien babies cry in their sleep on other planets. One out of 217 customers inevitably joins the statue garden located out back, frozen tears running down frozen cheeks. Plus no discount for locals. Zero stars out of five because the stars wink out in their baleful presence. No joke. Amazon delivers."

Zebra Mussels

Zebra Mussels are small & hatchet shaped Zebra Mussels will attach to anything: boats, other mussels, turtles, crayfish, your mom, etc. Zebra Mussels have been found in many romantic locales: Lake Dardanelle, the St. Francis River, Bull Shoals, & Plum Bayou in Arkansas. And your mom. Zebra Mussels can live for days in moist, dark livewells and bilge areas, abandoned grain silos, and under your bed. Probably not your mom. Transporting Zebra Mussels across state lines is a crime, but only for immoral purposes, so check for ID. If you find a Zebra Mussel, do not loan it money or introduce it to your mom. Northern Snakeheads are actually okay if you like to party.